the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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