Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
