i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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