You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
