She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
