Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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