the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
