I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
