halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
