we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i now understand why vodka
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
