He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
