I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
