it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
