you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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