I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
