in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
