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I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
