i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
