No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
