My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
