She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
