Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
