DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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