After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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