I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
