$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
