You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
