She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
