Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
