quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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