addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
