just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
