If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
