the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
