I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
