apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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