She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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