so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
