if only i could text you this smell
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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