My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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