Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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