She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
