Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
