woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
soo... how was my night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
