Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
