dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
