Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
