You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
