Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
