I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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