someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
